Almost every Nigerian family now has a japa story. A sister who moved to Manchester, a friend now working night shifts in Toronto, a colleague who quietly resigned and was in Dublin by the next month. Online, japa is often shown as a victory: new country, new life, problem solved. In real life it is more mixed. Leaving home and being left at home both bring feelings that deserve attention.
This article looks at the emotional side of japa for three groups: people planning to leave, people already abroad, and people who stay behind.
Before you leave: the stress nobody posts about
Planning to relocate can take years. There are exams like IELTS, document processing, savings, proof of funds and long waits for visa decisions. During this period many people live with a constant 'in-between' feeling: you don't want to start anything big in Nigeria because you might leave, but you are not yet anywhere else.
- Keep some roots while you wait. Continue hobbies, friendships and small goals here. Your life is happening now, not only after the visa.
- Share the plan with a few trusted people. Secrecy is understandable, but carrying everything alone makes waiting harder.
- Prepare for a 'no'. Think in advance about what you will do if an application is refused, so it feels like a setback, not the end.
Arriving abroad: culture shock and quiet loneliness
The first months in a new country can be exciting and exhausting at the same time. The cold, the food, the accent, the cost of everything when you convert it to naira, and the feeling that nobody greets you on the street. Many Nigerians abroad also carry pressure to send money home quickly, even while they are still finding their feet.
It's common to feel low, irritable or homesick without knowing exactly why. Some people find that the change in daylight in places like the UK or Canada affects their energy too. Small things help: a regular call with family at a fixed time, finding a Nigerian church, mosque or community group, cooking food from home and keeping a simple routine. Our article on coping with loneliness has more ideas for building connection step by step.
Guilt and 'black tax' from a distance
Being abroad doesn't end responsibilities at home. You may hear about a parent's illness, a sibling's school fees or a family emergency and feel guilty that you are far away. Requests for money can come faster than your salary. Try to:
- Decide in advance how much you can realistically send each month, and stick to it.
- Explain your real costs to family members you trust. Many people at home don't know how expensive rent and transport are abroad.
- Remember that your well-being also matters to your family. Burning out helps nobody.
Want to talk it through?
Psychologist AI can listen without judgement and help you plan one small next step, any time of day or night, from anywhere in Nigeria.
The ones left behind
If you are the one staying, japa can feel like losing people one by one. Your close friends leave, your office gets quieter and your parents' house feels emptier. Some people feel left behind, as if they have failed because they have not travelled. Others are happy to stay but tired of being asked 'when are you leaving?'
Your choice to stay, or your circumstances that keep you here, do not make you less successful. Grieving a friendship that has changed shape is normal. Agree with friends abroad on how to stay in touch: a weekly voice note, a monthly video call or a shared group chat. And keep investing in new local friendships too.
Parents and children apart
Some families relocate in stages, with one parent leaving first. Children may react to the separation with clinginess, anger or changes in school performance. Simple honesty helps: explain the plan in words they understand, keep regular calls and avoid promising dates you are not sure about. Parents in this situation often neglect their own feelings while managing everything. Make some space for yours.
How Psychologist AI can help
Whether you are in Lagos at 11pm or in another time zone at 4am, you can open the chat when the feelings come up: before a visa interview, after a hard call with family or on a lonely Sunday abroad. It can help you put feelings into words and plan small, practical steps. It is not a lawyer, an immigration adviser or a therapist, but it can be a steady place to think.
If you need urgent help
Psychologist AI is an emotional support chat, not an emergency service. If you are thinking about ending your life or you are in danger, call 112 (the national toll-free emergency number) or the SURPIN helpline on 0800 078 7746 (toll-free, 24 hours), or go to the emergency unit of the nearest general or teaching hospital. If you can, tell someone you trust what is happening.
If you are abroad, use the local emergency number of the country you are in.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to feel sad even though I wanted to japa?
Yes. You can be grateful for an opportunity and still miss home deeply. Both feelings can exist together, and they often soften with time and routine.
How can I cope when all my friends have left Nigeria?
Allow yourself to feel the loss, keep in touch in a way that suits everyone, and slowly build new connections through work, faith communities, sport or volunteering.
I feel guilty for not sending enough money home. What can I do?
Set a realistic amount, communicate openly with family about your costs, and remember that looking after your own stability makes it possible to keep helping in the long run.
Note: Psychologist AI offers emotional support and general wellbeing guidance. It is not a substitute for a doctor, psychologist or psychiatrist, it does not diagnose, and it is not an emergency service. If you are in crisis or do not feel safe, call 112 or the SURPIN helpline on 0800 078 7746.